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In decision making your first responsibility must be to examine yourself. Ask, “What is my ultimate goal”? Do I set aside my desires and feelings when making a decision? Or do I justify seeking to gratify my desires as some sort of “freedom”? This examination, if sincere, will be the most difficult one you will ever go through. It is easy to avoid the question, and most of the environment around you will pressure you into foregoing such an examination. Your distorted view of the consequences of such an examination, along with your distorted frame of reference, will add greatly to the difficulty of this examination.
Further, self-examination takes time, it is not a casual exercise. You must examine each aspect of your life. You must review your relationships with others, your own desires, your actions and your reasoning process, to name a few areas of introspection. The time factor involved works against a thorough self-examination. Your desires and feelings work against you. Some of the things you discover will make you feel bad. When you make decisions based upon your desires, you may have very many other things you desire to do other than subject yourself to the potentially painful realization of your own destructive tendencies and actions. It will be easy not to find the necessary time. However, delaying the examination only compounds the problem.
The following questions can help your examination. Honest answers may be difficult, but are worthwhile for what they reveal.
? Why do you exist?
? Why do you like or dislike life?
? Why do you treat your family the way you do?
? Why do you have the acquaintances you do?
? Why did you or do you like or dislike school?
? Why do you like or dislike work?
? What is your highest priority in life? Why?
? What are your five most important goals? Why?
? What do you dress like? Why?
? What are your interests? Why?
? What organization memberships do you hold? Why?
? What type of entertainment do you pursue? Why?
? How would you change your life? Why?
? How would you change your closest relation? Why?
? How would you change your family? Why?
? How would you change your home? Why?
? How would you change your community? Why?
? How would you change the educational system? Why?
? How would you change this country? Why?
Hopefully, you have gained some insight into yourself and your own motivation. There are, of course, more areas of inquiry, but these should give you a good place to begin.
Because of the natural tendency of human beings to excuse our own failings and excesses, it is necessary to ask others for their honest opinions with regard to your relationships with them. The difficulty here is that most people value “not hurting another’s feelings” above honesty, so in most instances you will have to insist on an honest opinion. You will have to explain that you realize that making an honest appraisal of yourself will be painful. You still may not receive a forthright appraisal because many people’s frames of reference will not accept the truthfulness of your willingness to undergo hurt feelings in order to make an accurate evaluation. You will need to find a true friend at this point in your examination ~ one who understands what you are going through and has the courage to help you even though it may cost him or her your friendship.
As you can well imagine by now, such a process is very humbling. People are going to wonder about you and your questions. You are going to hear things that will shatter your self-image, especially when you realize that they are true. The examination process itself is painful, but worse is the realization, if you have not previously realized it, that you have been a self-gratifier and you do not have the power to overcome your own natural tendencies. Realization of one’s destructive tendencies is harsh, but more frustrating is the realization that our tendencies have enslaved us, and our frames of reference are so distorted as to perpetuate the slavery. In essence, within ourselves we do not have the power to set ourselves free from our own destruction. There are many points where we can give up along this difficult road to freedom from our slavery, but one of the greatest is accepting the humility it takes to admit we alone cannot handle the process. It is a step worth taking, for the alternative is certain destruction.
Continue Reading: The Power to Overcome and Persevere
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